A Solitary Soul 15-19
*****
Part Fifteen
*****
When Buffy woke up again it was already half past noon. Stretching and
yawning, she lay there for a few minutes.
She smiled when she remembered what had happened earlier in the morning. The
training, the shower, and the whole Angel nakedness.
It would be wonderful if she could wake up to every morning like that. Some
good training with Angel, a hot shower, and a very naked Angel.
< Bad bad bad Buffy! >
Buffy hadn't meant to have fallen asleep, especially so early in the morning,
but when she had lay there on the bed, thinking of Angel, she dozed off into
her own dreamland where there was her own Angel awaiting her.
The Angel that never left. Buffy was subconsciously dreaming about him. In
reality, she didn't want to think of him.
Well that was then, this is now. Seeing Angel shirtless, twice, brought back
old memories that were better left in the past. There was no need to reopen
old wounds, especially when hers wasn't quite healed yet.
She didn't think they'd ever heal. The pain that she had harbored ever since
Angel left her went so deep it was impossible to reach the very end of it.
Sighing, she got up. Her hand reaching up to her hair to make sure there
wasn't any misplaced hair anywhere. She wasn't doing it on purpose. It was
pure habit of her to check her hair before leaving the bed.
The old Buffy would've cared, but the new and improved Buffy didn't really
care. Her hair was always in a bun when she went to train.
Walking across the room, Buffy left for more training. But first she needed
some lunch.
*****
Angel was awake long before Buffy woke up. He had been laying on his bed,
thinking of Buffy earlier in the morning.
It still made him blush every time he would remember the way she was looking
at him and the way he had acted around her.
He had tried in vain to get her out of his mind, albeit he didn't want to.
Sighing, he had gotten up and left his room. Leaving for his private library
where he was still trying to concentrate on the book that he held in his
hands.
Placing the book down, he left the library for the kitchen. Deciding to make
Buffy and himself some lunch.
He was finishing up the sandwich he was making when Buffy walked in on him.
"Afternoon." She greeted him. He was somewhat disappointed that she wasn't
affected by his presence that he was with her.
"Afternoon. I'm making us lunch, you want some?" He asked her.
"Sure, you didn't have to do that you know. I could have just drank some
water."
"It was nothing. Why don't you have a seat while I finish this up?"
"You sure you don't need any help?"
"Yup, now go on." Angel ushered her out of the room.
Buffy left and went into the living room, sitting on the couch. Her legs
were folded underneath her.
It had been hard to be in the same room as him, even if she had tried her
best to show him that she was not bothered by his presence, she couldn't help
but wanting him to be standing there sans shirt again.
She was somewhat disappointed when she had seen him wearing a white shirt and
black slacks.
He had looked good in it, he would look good in anything.
< Or nothing. > she added.
< Very naughty thoughts. > she scolded herself.
After a few minutes of waiting, Angel entered the living room carrying two
plates of sandwiches and a can of Pepsi.
Placing one of the plates in front of her and the Pepsi, Angel sat down next
to her. Keeping a safe distance between them. Although any distance between
them would never be considered safe.
Buffy looked at the sandwich as if it was some alien out of space, it's head
served as her food.
But in truth, she had never eaten a full meal in a long time and she wasn't
about to start.
"Go ahead, I promise you it won't bite you." Angel told her.
Buffy smiled.
"Are you sure?" she asked him.
He chuckled.
Hesitantly, Buffy picked up the sandwich. Eyeing it with suspicion. Slowly,
she brought it to her mouth and bit into it.
She was surprised that it tasted so good.
"This is good. When did you learn how to make sandwiches?" She asked him
after another bite.
"I had to make them for Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn, and Doyle when they came over
for lunch."
"Hmmm." biting into her sandwich again, not knowing that there was mayonnaise
at the corner of her mouth.
Angel smiled.
"You have something right here." gesturing towards her mouth.
She reached up to wipe it away, but instead she managed to smear it onto her
chin.
"I'll get that for you." Angel told her as he leaned slowly in.
Buffy's heartbeat was beating furiously.
When they were just a few centimeters apart, Buffy leaned in for the kiss.
The kiss was something she'd never expect. Kissing Angel made her feel safe.
No kiss could ever compare to his.
The kiss was growing to be passionate. Buffy was loving the feel of his lips
on hers when reality intruded.
< This is wrong. > her mind screamed.
And before Angel knew what was happening, Buffy broke the kiss and ran
upstairs leaving a still stunned Angel on the couch.
*****
Part Sixteen
*****
Angel broke out of his reverie when he heard the bedroom door slam closed.
Taking a glance at the room where Buffy was, he couldn't help but blame
himself.
Shoulders dropping, elbows on knees, and head in hands, Angel thought of ways
he can get Buffy to forgive him and start to feel again.
Running his hands through his hair, Angel sighed.
He had wanted to go after her, but he knew that she needed time to think
things further. Not knowing what exactly Buffy was doing at that moment.
*****
Buffy had spent the past few minutes gathering up her things and placing
them in a suitcase that she knew Angel had brought over when he was at her
house.
She was leaving. She didn't want to have to deal with having Angel under the
same roof. It was just to difficult. She hated not having control of her
feelings. She couldn't handle it anymore.
Being close to Angel was dangerous for her. It made her vulnerable and she
knew from experience that it could get her seriously hurt.
When she got most of her stuff, Buffy opened the door and walked down the
stairs. From her place on the stairs she could see Angel sitting on the
couch.
He looked miserable. No doubt that he was blaming himself for what had
happened.
Buffy descended the rest of the way down before Angel looked up to see her
holding a suitcase in one hand.
< Is she leaving? > Angel was in panic.
"Where are you going?" Angel asked her, panic clearly in his voice.
"Anywhere that is not here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving."
Buffy told him.
"Leave? You can't leave." He said as if it were a fact.
"And why not?" She asked him angry that he wanted to control her actions,
being as irrational as it is.
"Because....because it's not safe. We don't even know what it is that was in
your house."
"I can take care of myself, thank you very much." Buffy told him as she
started making her way out of the living room.
Angel got up to intercept her, standing right in front of her and holding her
by the shoulders. His eyes were begging her to not leave, to not leave *him.*
Buffy tried her hardest to ignore the look in his eyes when she had moved to
leave. It was utterly pathetic but she couldn't help but feel a tinge of
happiness because Angel wanted her to stay.
Shaking away his hands, she began to move again. Only to be stopped by him.
"Please, Buffy. Don't leave."
"Oh right, that was your move right? You know, maybe it's time I'm the one
who leaves. Always loved a good change." She watched as he flinched, pain
flashing across his features only to disappear as fast as it came.
"Look, I know I made some mistakes in the past, but I want us to start over."
Speaking his true feelings.
"*Some* mistakes? I don't think so. There is no *us* as you've said before
and I really don't want to bring everything back. There is no starting over
for this chick. There's only continuing on from here, no looking back, no
looking forward. Now, I *really* have to get going now." Buffy said before
moving a bit more determinedly out of his grasp.
She was halfway across the room, when Angel could move again.
Panicking, he ran towards her turned her around and crushed his lips onto
hers.
He could tell she was surprised but after awhile she started to respond.
A part of him knew that a part of her didn't really want him to hold her and
caress her like this but a more larger part of her was rejoicing with the
feel of his lips upon hers.
The new Buffy would have rejected this but the old one was coming onto the
surface. Fighting and internal war, she wasn't sure which side was winning.
< Screw this. > Buffy thought before deepening the kiss by placing her arms
around his neck while he placed his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.
Buffy was in heaven. It was such a wonderful feeling. The feel of Angel's
lips upon hers, her body molded with his, and the caresses of his hands on
her back tracing small circles in a calming way.
Buffy would have stayed in this position longer if she could but the need to
breathe was becoming a problem. Angel, sensing that she needed a little
break, pulled back a little so he could see her face.
He had expected to see fury all across his face, but he found himself looking
into a panting and smiling Buffy.
Her first smile in a long time. Her face hurt because it wasn't used to such
strain.
"Wow." Buffy breathed.
"Yeah." Angel said.
This time, Buffy moved to kiss him. Angel was a bit surprised but responded
when her tongue slipped into his opened mouth.
Their tongue danced, rubbing against each other.
Angel could feel the passion between them getting stronger. His hands began
to roam he back, feeling all the new muscles that she had developed over the
years.
Buffy was playing with the hair at the base of his neck. She felt him move
forward stopping when her knees hit the couch. Angel gently pushed her onto
the couch, all the while their lips never detached.
Buffy was lying on her back when she felt Angel lie on top of her. Angel
stopped and looked at her face.
Buffy was flushed, panting, and content. She didn't want things to move to
fast, she wanted to take it slow from now on.
Angel, sensing that she wasn't ready yet, moved in to hug her. Flipping them
around so that Buffy lay sprawled across his chest.
Giving Angel a longer kiss. Pulling back she rested her head in the crook of
Angel's shoulders. Smiling contentedly, she fell asleep.
Angel watched as she slept. Never had he seen a person more beautiful and
more content. And to think it was in the arms of her Angel.
Angel slowly got up and carried her into her bedroom, lying down next to her
and scooping her up in another hug, he too fell asleep.
There were more steps to take before they could finally be together in every
way.
But it was worth the wait.
*****
Part Seventeen
*****
Buffy woke up around noon the next day. It was the best bit of rest she had
ever had in a very long time. Being in his arms felt so right, like nothing
could get to her if she stayed there but she knew she couldn't stay there too
long.
Angel might leave after all this is done, leaving her broken hearted once
more. She wouldn't be able to survive it if he were to leave another time.
The first time had been bad enough and she didn't need another repeat of
their break up.
< He better not leave me or I will swear I'll kill him the next time I see
him. >
Craning her neck to look at Angel, she smiled. His face was close to hers,
their foreheads were just barely centimeters away. He was sound asleep,
sleeping like an Angel.
Moving closer until her lips touched his, she gave him a small kiss. That
was what she had intended on giving him, but he tightened his hold on her
waist and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss.
When the kiss ended, Buffy looked into Angel's still sleepy eyes.
"Morning." Buffy whispered.
"Hmmm. That's a great way of being waken up in the morning." He told her
with a small smile playing on his lips.
Not responding, she snuggled closer, not allowing an inch of space between
them.
Buffy was thinking of what might happen if he leaves her again. Would she
cry? yell? or just plain nothing? Would she even survive? She doubted the
last one because she knew that she would be dead if he ever left her again.
She had been dead the first time he left. She was nothing but a shell of
what she once was. There was no longer that brightness about her, or her
happy moods, or her complaining. She just existed, doing whatever she was
told until two years ago. She had decided it wasn't worth it if she went
around living, existing, her life the way it was. So she changed her tactics
only a little. From moping to training, from crying to patrolling, from
eating to reading some demonology books. Giles would've been proud if she
wasn't so thin and lifeless.
No, she wouldn't be able to survive, she was sure of it.
Angel, sensing that something was bothering her, turned his head to gaze at
her face. She was lost in thought. Lines of concentration marring her face.
Bending down to give her a little kiss on her forehead he watched as she
slowly came out of her reverie.
Buffy turned her head towards Angel and gave her a small smile.
"Buffy, what's wrong?" He asked.
"Nothing." She lied, she didn't want to tell him for fear that he would laugh
in her face.
"Come on, you can tell me." Angel persuaded. He was getting worried.
"It' nothing, really."
"You're sure? I know something's bothering you."
Buffy sighed, he knew her too well. At least he knew the old Buffy, he
didn't know anything about the new Buffy.
"It's just that.....when this is over....are you.....you know.....leaving?"
She stammered. She dreaded the answer, if he said yes she would die right on
the spot, but if he said yes........
Angel knew that the question was going to come up sooner or later but he was
hoping it would have been later.
Looking at her face, he watched as she turned away. She was afraid of what
his answer might be, he knew, and he wanted to give her some kind of hope. A
hope she had lost all those years ago when he had turned his back on her.
Taking his hesitation as a sign, she turned away from him and got up off the
bed. She was foolish for thinking that he would stay. She had to get away
from here before she could get hurt more than she already had.
Angel felt a pang in his heart when she got up. Mentally slapping himself,
he reached out for her hand. She pulled away from him.
Angel sat up and grabbed a firmer hold on her hand, making her turn around.
She refused to meet his eyes. Searching her face, Angel reached out his
other hand and grabbed her chin in a gentle hold, making her eyes meet his.
"I'm staying." He told her softly.
*****
Part Eighteen
*****
< He's staying. > Buffy thought happily as a smile graced her face. Angel
smiled back at her before pulling her into a hug.
"Did you think that I would leave you again? I wouldn't even think of it,
knowing what it would do to you. And me." Angel whispered in her ear.
Buffy only responded by snuggling in his embrace deeper. Burying her face in
the crook of his neck as he did the same to her. Buffy breathed in his
scent. It was a combination of the outdoors and a smell made uniquely for
Angel. Closing her eyes, she was pulled down by Angel. Making it so that
she was lying on top of him.
His hands were on her waist, pulling her even closer. Sitting up so that she
was straddling his stomach, Buffy looked into Angel's eyes.
She could see the love, the trust, and the desire for her burning in his
eyes. She knew that the same were reflected in hers.
Reaching out a hand, Buffy traced his features. Remembering every curve and
lines of his beautiful face. Tracing her fingertips on his neck with
feather light touches, she watched as he shivered a little. Her fingers ran
down his arms. He had developed new muscles, making him look tougher than he
was three (?) years ago.
His hand that were wrapped around her waist were interlaced. Tracing circles
on her lower back, making her in turn shiver.
Leaning down slowly, she softly touched her lips with his. Pulling back so
that he couldn't have a chance in deepening it. Buffy smiled when he let out
a small whine at the lost.
Placing her hands on either side of his face, she leaned down to kiss him
again. Only this time she let him deepen the kiss. Opening her mouth so
that he would have entranced to her mouth.
She was teasing him, he knew. Every time she placed her tongue in his mouth
and he would go after it with his own she would pull back and retract her
tongue from his mouth, making him chase her tongue. She continued to do that
for a few minutes before she moved away to catch her breath. She giggled
when she heard him growl.
Smiling down at him, knowing what she was doing to him. Before she could
completely catch her breath, he pulled her down. Buffy was surprised when he
pulled her down. She gasped when his tongue traced her lower lip. Taking
the opportunity, Angel's tongue was inside her mouth before she could even
react.
Finally, he was able to kiss her thoroughly and Buffy responded eagerly.
Angel brought his other hand up her sides, when his hands were near her
armpits he felt her jump.
< Looks like the slayer is ticklish. > Angel inwardly smiled.
Making sure that she was occupied with his lips, Angel moved his other hand
to the other side of her. Without warning, he tickled her.
Buffy was surprised at first before the tickling caught up to her. Laughing
and pretending to try to get away from, she was flipped over by Angel. Lying
on her back so that Angel was on top of her. Now she couldn't go anywhere.
Laughing felt good, she thought. It was a relief to laugh again.
Angel smiled when he heard her laugh, he watched as tears began to fall
because she was laughing so hard. Her wriggling was having a major effect on
him and he had to stop he before it could get anymore bigger.
Buffy managed to talk through her laughter. Telling him to stop because now
her stomach was hurting from laughing so hard.
Finally, he stopped. Buffy took the time to breathe again. A smile still on
her face.
When her breathing had somewhat calmed down, although her heartbeat was still
pounding furiously, Buffy looked into Angel's smiling eyes.
"You're gonna pay for that." She warned him playfully.
"Let's just see about that." He told her equally playfully.
Leaning down to kiss her again.
This time there was no teasing. If they could, they would have gone on and
on without breathing but Angel knew that Buffy was still human.
Pulling back so that she could catch her breath. He placed butterfly kisses
on her face before trailing down to her neck. He's kissing stopped at her
jugular. He could hear the blood pulsing inside of her. The demon inside of
him wanted a taste.
But instead, he placed an open mouth kiss where her vein was. Sucking and
licking at the skin. He heard her gasp.
Pulling away from that piece of skin, he trailed to the other side of her
neck where his mark lay. Marking her as his. His and only his.
Buffy probably didn't know what that mark meant but he didn't to tell her for
fear that she may get scared or something like that.
Giving the scar a kiss, he could feel her shiver, he moved further down.
Through the haziness of her desire, reality intruded. Telling her that if he
went too far things would go wrong.
Grabbing a hold of his head, she pulled him up.
Angel looked at her with questions in his eyes. Looking into her eyes, he
saw the fear of what might happen to them if he went too far.
He just smiled before kissing her softly. Answering her unasked question
with his eyes.
"How?" She asked him softly.
"A gypsy women. I saved her son from a demon and in return she gave me my
soul." He told her.
"When?"
"A few weeks ago."
A few weeks ago. She was about to ask him why he didn't tell her when she
remembered.
Several weeks ago she had received a phone call from Angel. As soon as she
learned who it was, she hung up on him.
"Oh. You were going to tell me that day, weren't you?" She asked him.
Nodding his head as an answer.
"I'm sorry." She told him.
"Don't be. I understand why you didn't want to talk to me then. Let's not
dwell in the past." Angel told her before he kissed her again.
Buffy responded, pulling him fully on her.
They spent the whole day, touching and caressing each other. Forgiving at
the same time for the pain that they've caused to each other.
It was a time for healing for the two lovers.
*****
Part Nineteen
*****
Buffy slept peacefully as Angel lay on his side, gazing upon her beautiful
face.
A small smile graced her lips and a moan escaped her lips as she snuggled
closer to him.
Angel smiled, even if she was unconscious she knew he was there. The same was
for him as well.
If he would ever wake up without her by his side, he would no doubt panic.
Even worse, he would go crazy.
He always wanted her in his arms. He wanted to be holding her. It felt so
right, being with Buffy. Protecting her. Loving her.
It all seemed so right and yet it was wrong. Her love for him and his love
for her had outlasted many obstacles. They had held strong when all of hope
was lost.
But Buffy had nearly given up. She had been on a suicide mission, he realize
that now.
For years she had existed, not knowing how it felt to love again. Both
yearning and dreading to learn to again for fear of the outcome.
He never want that to happen. If his leaving had this effect on her the
first time he couldn't possibly think of what might happen if he were to
leave again.
No doubt killing her already broken spirit. He was going to be here for her
to heal. Only when she was finally happy with herself would he worry about
himself.
He would never leave her, he wouldn't think of it. It would hurt her and him
beyond words.
The first time had been going to hell again. When he was in LA, he had a gut
feeling that something, some change, was occurring within Buffy. Only when he
had visited her a couple of days ago that he had realized what he had felt.
He had felt fear. Fear that he had lost her forever, like he had lost so
many.
If he were ever to lose her, there would be no doubt what he would do. He
wouldn't even exist.
Buffy was his meaning. She kept him alive, or undead. She was his reason
why he was still here. She had taught him how to love, taught him that he
was worthy of her love when he had thought he was worthy of death.
Amazing how his everything lay in just a small, yet powerful, young girl
that was older then any other.
She had experienced what everyone had never want to feel, she experienced
beyond her years.
Heartbreak, betrayal, hate, love, death, and so many more.
All the deaths that she had seen was almost enough to compare to his.
Betrayal by her sister slayer and himself.
Angel felt a pang in his heart as he remembered all the pain that he had
caused to his meaning to life.
He had never meant to hurt her and yet he had hurt her the most, thinking
that he was in someway protecting her from the darkness that she had been
born in. He knew she deserved more than that darkness, he had tried to leave
so that she could have more than that and that had ended with her drowning
herself in darkness.
He wasn't leaving again, for he feared that she was going to go far beyond
darkness.
She would go as far as she could, she had been numb to feelings before and
that had been dangerous for her as well as others.
Looking at her again, Angel reached out a hand to trace her features. She
hadn't eaten a full meal for a long time. He could see the hollow of her
cheeks, the bags under her eyes, and her thin frame.
She had been suicidal, not knowingly, and that was the frightening part.
He was worried, his hand lightly traced her face and he smiled as he heard
her sigh his name.
Giving her forehead a light kiss, he whispered into her ear.
"I love you, remember that Buffy. Don't leave me ever again." He pulled her
closer and he too fell asleep, in the arms of his angel.
Indeed he did have his own angel as he was an angel to another.
The two warriors, lovers, friends, slept once more.
From above, the Powers That Be watched and they smiled.
Their work was finally done.
They had united the most powerful team that will ever live.
Nothing can ever harm them or the world ever again.
TBC...